


Ain't no Hope

by vogue91



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 05:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13896999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: "You can cry, if you want."





	Ain't no Hope

Dean tried to remember, but he thought it was kind of useless.

He tried to recall something, in his entire life, which made him feel worse than he felt now, but he couldn’t.

The apocalypse was coming, Death rose that night, Sam and him were trying endlessly to do something and they were facing only failures.

How could he go on like that? How could he even wake up on morning and tell himself that everything was going to be alright?

He sighed. He was outside the motel they decided to spend the night in, he tried to breathe some fresh air like that only could help him to feel better.

He felt a slight noise behind his back, and he knew perfectly what that was, but he didn’t turn around.

“Dean?” he heard, before Castiel appeared next to him.

“Hi, Cass.” he replied, raising his eyebrows and keeping on staring at something in front of him.

They kept quiet for a while, then the angel seemed to have had enough of silence.

“Why aren’t you sleeping? It’s quite late, isn’t it?” he asked, frowning.

Dean laughed, but it didn’t last long enough for the other to believe it was a sincere laugh.

“Since when did you begin to worry about my sleep hours, Cass? You’re the angel on my shoulder, not my mum.” he replied, a bit sharper than he meant to.

Castiel rose an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything about the way he had spoken.

“You’re thinking about Jo and Ellen.” he said, and that wasn’t a question.

Dean didn’t answer, not immediately.

“It wasn’t your fault, Dean. You know that, don’t you?” the angel said, trying to look at the other’s eyes.

But he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to talk about what had happened that day, he didn’t want to realize the fact that once again he had been powerless in front of Lucifer’s plans.

It was too much for him to take, too much pain that would have come on the surface.

“Yes, of course I know, Cass. Why would that be my fault? Oh, yes, maybe because those fucking Hell Hounds were after me. Or maybe because it was me who pulled them into all this crap. Or because it could be me or Sam in their place, while they sacrificed all for...” Castiel interrupted him, with a resolute expression on his face.

“They sacrificed because of you. Of you and Sam. I’m tired of hearing you complaining about everything, about you trying to say that it’s your fault. Jo and Ellen followed us because they wanted to, and Jo would be dead in any case, and Ellen just decided that she wanted to stay by her daughter’s side. It’s sad, Dean, but it’s not your fault.” he said, articulating his words, like he wanted them to be clear in Dean’s mind.

Dean looked at the angel like he wanted to punch him in the face, but then he lowered his arm and bowed his head, sighing.

“I know, Cass. It’s just that... it’s too much. We keep on trying, and we don’t achieve a thing. There’s no way out of this fucking situation, we can just keep on chasing after a way to kill Lucifer and hope that we don’t leave too many trails of blood behind us. It’s not fair like that. There shouldn’t be someone who’s expendable.”

Castiel looked uncomfortable, like he didn’t know what to reply. He wasn’t too good with things like feelings or soothing yet.

“You can cry, if you want.” he said, hesitating, while the other one looked at him with a puzzled look on his face.

He wouldn’t cry, not yet.

He would have closed himself behind his despair, he would have turned it into rage, and so he would’ve kept on fighting, because that was what the others were expecting from him.

He felt Castiel’s hand on his shoulder, and couldn’t help but smile.

The angel may also not be good at soothing, but somehow he felt better when he was there, right next to him.

Like everything was supposed to be alright, even if it was pure utopia.

He looked at the angel, getting closer to him, leaning into his arms.

“I won’t fucking cry, Cass.” he said, biting his lips. “But... just let me stay here for a while.”

The angel seemed to be confused, but didn’t complain.

He felt Dean’s despair, and if that was what it took to make him feel better, he would never let him go.


End file.
